We are just a matter of days away from Christmas, and many families will be gathering to celebrate the day. Christmas is a beautiful time, but it can also be a time full of memories that may make you feel a little melancholic.
I have memories from my childhood of my dear Grandmother at Christmas time. My grandparents would come to be with us from the Boston area each year, and spend a few days at least. I remember them sleeping on the fold-out couch in our living room, and running out to the living room to jump on top of Grandpa who never seemed to be upset at us doing that. He was always so patient, and loved to tickle and play with us.
My grandmother usually was up and about by then. A day or two before Christmas we would take out all the good silverware, and the silver salt and pepper shakers that were only used on special occasions and clean them with silver cleaner, then give them a good polishing. Christmas always meant a turkey dinner, and my Grandma was the best at picking those bones clean and making a soup after the holiday. She also made our traditional Scotch Shortbread…I share more about that on a Squidoo Lens.
The last Christmas that I have a clear memory of was also the year that my youngest brother was born, my grandmother stayed with us to help care for us while Mom was recovering…my brother was a “New Year’s Baby”, born on January 1st. This was also the last Christmas, I believe, before my grandmother had her stroke in her later 60’s. She lived many years after that, passing away at the age of 90 thanks to the wonderful care of my grandfather. She was still able to visit at holidays, but not with the same energy as years before, but always a wonderful part of our traditional family gathering. I guess the melancholy comes for most of us from either to high expectations for the day, or in my case, missing those that used to be with us at the table that have gone on. But that doesn’t mean that when we gather on Christmas day, there won’t be plenty of love and laughter.
Have a blessed Christmas!
Treasure your family, and have patience with one another this beautiful time of the year.
Here is a cute and VERY funny story written by friend and parenting expert, Pat Montgomery. You’ll see she’s also learning a lot about Grandparenting, too.
After you read this delightful story, please be sure to visit her sites through the links below. She has a great radio show and a book available through any book seller and her website.
GRANDMA NEEDS TO LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE
This week I babysat two of the grandkids (ages 1 1/2 and almost 3), which is challenging in itself. Add to that me trying to make some business calls and it was a very full day.
After his nap the older one, who is not potty trained, was dry so I asked if he wanted to go potty. Telling me NO, he ran into the other room. Not willing to give up, I followed him and commenced a discussion about “big boy pants”. He asked if Uncle Mike wore big boy pants. I said yes. Then he asked if Mommy wore big boy pants to which I, of course, said yes.
He ran (Benton never walks anywhere…he either rides or runs) to the cabinet and pulled out a pair of Lightning McQueen big boy pants. Patiently I explained that he had to pee in the potty before he could wear them. Finally I had victory. He crawled up on the potty and peed. Yea, I was so good. Silently I congratulated myself at how clever I had been.
That was when he asked for toilet paper. I wanted to encourage him so I handed him a couple of squares of toilet paper. Holding them in his small hand, he looked at me as if to ask what he was supposed to do with the paper. Immediately, I told him to wipe his pee-pee (what I called my boys’ penises at that age.)
Again he looked at me with a funny look on his face, which should have clued me in to a problem. Before I realized what was happening, he reached into the water and started wiping where his body fluids had just changed the toilet water yellow. Yes, he was doing exactly what I told him to do–wiping the pee-pee.
Pat Montgomery
Please take a moment to visit Parent’s Rule with Pat
Be sure to listen to Parents Rule! every Thursday 2-3 pm on 1620 AM at http://www.radiosandysprings.com/
“Now You Know What I Know What I Know: Parenting Wisdom of a Grandmother” available on my website or any book seller.”
School will be starting soon, and it’s not a bad idea to start thinking about how to encourage your children as they raise your grandchildren with some helpful advise from Marilyn Barnicke Bellegham, M.Ed, see her links at the end of the post. Thanks, Marilyn!!
You Can’t Stop School Bullies Until You
Stop Adults Who Teach Them How
Children who are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are more important than anyone else’s. They have learned to be abusers.
Bullying always involves:
- Intimidation through specific tactics meant to instill fear
- Threats of emotional, physical and psychological harm
- Discrimination by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong
- Isolation of the victim from others who may give support.
We must help the victims. This can be done by:
- Listening to their stories of life at school
- Watching for changes in behavior, especially from happy to fearful
- Observing their play and listening to how they interact with others
- Asking about any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or places.
You are looking for:
- fear of the school yard,
- anxiety about who will be in their class
- talk of having no friends,
- worry about their teacher’s treatment of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited to be able to learn and grow.
- Watching the way they talk to and about other children.
- Observing the way their parents speak to them.
- Look at who their friends are and the interaction between them.
- Paying attention to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.
Signs include belittling and name calling, talk of “getting” other people, a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings, younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation. Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe they are not the cause of the problem.
Parents must hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behavior on the school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at the principals and teachers who bully students.
Every school year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher’s classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents who are least involved in their children’s lives whose children get the abusive teachers.
Too often children are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.
- Parents can work together.
- Get supportive people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.
- Avoid TV programs that show bullies in action.
- Be Self aware of tactics you may use to get your way
- Watch the way others speak to your child and confront abuse.
People who bully are usually going about their lives confident that the victim’s physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive, not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.
Bullies have usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful. They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that behavior has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbor, role model on television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.
There are lifelong repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence, hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Accountability involves forgiveness. Bullies need to:
- Hear the impact of their behavior on their victim
- Be willing to accept responsibility for the harm they have done
- Compensate the victim
- Apologize
Society must evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behavior is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people, nations and globally.
Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist who consults to families in business on relationship issues including bullying. She is author of books on personal growth through travel. Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is her third book and is about Marilyn’s experience of being bullied by her former husband, his lawyer and others as she went through the process of divorce.
Is it just me or are there other mothers and grandmothers out here who have a problem with the way some businesses are run?
I’d like to know why I can’t just buy ONE SHOE in a shoe store. Yes, I know they come in pairs but if one shoe is lost, why is it necessary to purchase a new pair of the SAME shoes at the same price?
In the past 72 hours, my grandson has lost two shoes—not two pairs of shoes—but two individual shoes. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what might have happened to those shoes. We’ve searched frantically in the house and in the car and even outside the house–in the yard—hoping those missing shoes would turn up. No such luck.
But get this—in a conversation with a store clerk at a Sporting Goods Store, I learned their lost and found box is filled with kids’ shoes! Obviously, my grandson isn’t the only toddler running around with just one shoe.
It might not be a bad idea to check some of those lost and found boxes at the various stores to see if I find a match.
By Beverly Mahone
Four Generations of Hands
This is one of those heart-warming stories that finds it’s way around the email circuits, and was shared by a woman on discussion group I belong to. I immediately thought of my own grandmother’s hands, sitting next to her as a child, looking at those hands as they held mine. Read this simple but beautiful story, and do enjoy!
————–
Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn’t move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn’t acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK. Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. ‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking,’ she said in a clear voice strong.
‘I didn’t mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,’ I explained to her.
‘Have you ever looked at your hands,’ she asked. ‘I mean really looked at your hands?’
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.
Grandma smiled and related this story:
‘Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.
They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.
‘They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.
‘They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn’t understand.
They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken,dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
‘These hands are the mark of where I’ve been and the ruggedness of life. But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.’
I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma’s hands and led her home.
When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.
I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.
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